Once an infertile...

I am so incredibly blessed. I have two beautiful, growing, thriving children who are happy, healthy and make me smile everyday. When we first got pregnant and found out we were having twins, everyone would ask what we (a) thought we were having and (b) what we wanted. My answer was always the same- I didn't know and it didn't matter. Every night I would pray that God would keep the two growing babies inside me healthy and happy. When we found out that we were having a boy and a girl, I'd like to think that we would have been just as excited if would have found out that we were having 2 boys/ 2 girls. They were healthy and growing like they should be- THAT was the most important thing to us. Every step of the way, their health has been my top priority.

Fast forward to today- Jack and Lyla are the best kids a mom could wish for, I should know. I did lots of wishing on lots of stars. I am one lucky woman. Recently, I read a blog entry from a fellow infertile who now has one year old twins. A friend of hers just found out she was pregnant. She had gotten knocked up the old fashioned way- assistance free. The blogger couldn't help but feel the jealous pains, even though she has two beautiful children of her own. I know exactly what she's talking about. I swear there is something in the water these days- I know so many pregnant women. Celebs, friends, friends of friends.. it seems like everyone is pregnant. And with every announcement, my heart hurts a little bit. I know that when Jeremy and I are ready to try again, it won't be easy for us. We will revisit all the fears and anxiety. There will be more shots and discussions about money. The guilt will set back in.

Jeremy's cousin is pregnant with her second child. She has a two year old little boy and both pregnancies were accomplished 'the old fashion way'. When she announced her first pregnancy, I was in the midst of infertility hell. We had been trying for almost a year and had just begun looking into our options. She had announced her pregnancy at Christmas, something Jeremy and I had dreamed of doing but weren't able to do. She also announced that she "would not be having a boy.. " The family teased her and low and behold, she found out she was having a boy. She locked herself in her room and refused to talk to anyone. SERIOUSLY.

Well, she's pregnant again and again, having a boy. Jeremy's mom congratulated her and she said that she wasn't ready to talk about it. The woman is having a HEALTHY baby. Isn't that ALL that should matter? I am not sure what my response to her will be if she makes a negative comment about the child growing inside of her. Part of me wants to remind her just how lucky she is to have a healthy child. The other part of me wants to scream at her.

I am grateful for my family. I love my children more than I ever thought possible. I am a mother, but I'm also an infertile. I know that infertility will always be a part of me, I will never forget the pain it has caused. I also know that my infertility has allowed me to appreciate the miracle that my children really are.

Lyla & Jack 10 months. Taken 1/20/11

Recent Favorite Pictures

Lyla in her Christmas PJ's on Christmas Morning

Jack at 9 months, not happy with the newly installed baby gates

Lyla playing in Doobie and BJ's kitchen with her keys

Holiday Pics.. a little late

Lyla's First Christmas- 9.5 months old

Jack's First Christmas- 9.5 months old.. chewing on a gift tag.. with giltter...

We survived the twins first Christmas and immediately decided that it was time to move. Our little starter home just cannot hold all of the stuff that Jack and Lyla got for Christmas.

This year, Christmas was a little different than it had been in years' past- it spanned 3 days instead of the usual 2. On Friday (Christmas Eve), we had plans for a playdate/lunchdate with some friends who live on the way to J's parents' house, but that morning, we got a call that their daughter had just been diagnosed with RSV. SOOOO, needless to say, we weren't going anywhere near that house. We headed out to Troy early and had a great evening with family. The kids were spoiled rotten and had more fun trying to eat the wrapping paper than playing with the gifts themselves.

Jack had a minor mishap that could have been a lot worse, had Gpa Tony not been sitting with him. J's grandma insists that we use the highchair that ALL of her grandkids used growing up. Not a big deal, I get it. This particular highchair doesn't have straps or anything to really secure the kids into it. I was making the babies' dinner when I heard Gpa Tony going "Whooooaaaa". I turned around and saw just the top of Jack's head in the seat- he had managed to slide down, under the tray and was headed for the floor. Tony had caught him, just in time. Thankfully, J's mom had brought one of her high chairs and so the kiddos took turns in the 'safe' chair eating their dinner.

We had a FUN first Christmas at our house the next morning and video taped the whole thing. Again, wrapping paper was more popular than the gifts themselves, but we still had fun watching them. After presents, the babies ate and went down for a nice nap. I think Jeremy and I even got to take a nap. It was a fantastically lazy Christmas day.

That evening, we had Christmas and a great dinner at my parents house. Instead of a bunch of gifts, my parents decided that our big gift would be a family trip this summer- somewhere in Colorado or Wyoming. I'm already nervous about flying with the twins, but it's a gift that I would much rather have than a few sweaters or something. We're looking forward to it!

The following day- the day after Christmas- we celebrated with my mom's family, which was a little weird. Normally, it's really fun, lots of laughing, drinking and fun, but this year it felt like no one wanted to be there. I hope this was just a one time thing, because I look forward to that Christmas the most.

Jumpin' Jack

Soooo, Jack has this new 'thing' at bedtime.. While Lyla goes to sleep pretty easily and without much drama, Jack just isn't tired. AT ALL. He's wired, actually. It's almost as if someone gave him a Red Bull.. He's all smiles and laughs and totally not ready for bed.

Last night, the babies had dinner around 5, bath around 6 and their bedtime bottle at about 6:30 or so- a typical bedtime routine these days. Lyla went down around 6:45, squawked a few times, so we'd go replace her paci.. but she was asleep by 7:10 or so. Jack drank his bottle and got pretty heavy eyed so I went to put him in bed and UP popped his head. I patted his back and he strained to see the projection on the ceiling from their sound machine, so I flipped him on his back (yes, my kid sleeps on his belly. It's what he prefers and has been rolling onto his tummy to sleep since he was 3 months old. I can't stop him.) so he could watch the show and snuck out of the room to pump.

About 3 minutes later, he started baby talking REALLLLLY loud, so Jeremy went to quiet him down and ended up just brining him back out into the family room. This is what happened:

Bananas and Dad out of town

Jeremy has been working a lot these days- like insane amounts. His company is doing several stores across the country and he is running things on many of them. His workload is insane and he has to travel to some of the locations to help out and learn what is being done. He's tired, I'm tired.. the babies were sick last week and they're stuffy and crabby which makes things more fun for all of us. Jeremy left Sunday afternoon to go to a remodel and so I've been on double duty.

Sunday night, my parents came over and helped with bedtime, which turned out to be a great thing because both babies were super high maintenance that night. Lyla was chatty and tired and refused to go to sleep. We could hear her blah blah blahing (her latest noise) for 30 minutes after we put her down. Jack was wired and definitely not tired. The house was a mess, the dishwasher needed to be emptied.. my parents were a huge help that night.

Last night, I was on my own. My mom called to see how things were going and if I needed help and I told her I thought I had everything under control. I had picked the babies up from the sitter at 4:15 and she thought they would probably need to be fed by the time I got home. I put them in their highchairs and let them play with their sippy cups while I made their dinner- cereal and bananas. They ate great- Lyla likes to talk while she eats- num num num num la la lala lalala.. she's very noisy these days. Jack has learned how to give raspberries which is super cute, but not while you're trying to feed him. He and I were both covered in slimy bananas by the time he was finished eating. After dinner, I changed them into their pjs and they played in their exersaucers while I cleaned the mess, made bottles and started to steam some peas for them for later this week.

Around 6:15 Jack started to rub his eyes and get a little fussy. I warmed a bottle for him and he fell asleep about 3.5 ounces in. He went right to bed, no problem. 6:30, one kid down.. one to go.

Lyla played a little while longer, then started to fuss so I warmed her bottle and attempted to feed her. She was grabby for the bottle, but kept fussing about it. She'd take a few swallows then get really angry so I'd sit her up to burp and she'd grab for the bottle again. Finally she took 4 oz and seemed to be finished, so I stood up to burp her and take her to bed when the girl literally exploded all over the two of us. I have never seen such a geyser of bananas, milk and cereal come out of a child with such force and height. All I could do was stand there and make sure her airway was clear when the river of not quite digested food had finished flowing from her tiny mouth. When she was finished she looked up at me and smiled. The kid didn't seem the least bit fazed by what had just happened. I was awestruck.. and covered in bananas. We snuck into the babies' room to get a change of clothes for her and some wet wipes for a quick wipe down. Her pjs were toast.. soaked and stinky. I got her changed and just happened to glance at myself in the mirror.

This really doesn't even do it justice. Most of the river of slime ended up DOWN my shirt and IN my BRA. My shirt is wet from being soaked from the inside out. The vast amount of bananas that were found in my bra was amazing. It was almost as if I just poured the mashed bananas into my bra.

I cleaned myself up (ended up getting bananas in my hair in the process) and gave the girl another few ounces because I knew there was NOTHING left in her stomach. She went right to bed after that, waking up at 5:15 this morning.

Moral of the story- Mom can handle the babies, a huge river of slimy bananas in her bra and end the night making peaches and peas for the babies all before 9:15 all by herself. Yay me :)

PS- This isn't the first time Lyla has exploded on one of her parents.. but Dad just got covered in milk

Few Random Pictures 6 months old

MU Tailgate

Jeremy and I took the babies to their first MU Game on September 25th. I feel like I spent the whole week beforehand trying to get everything together for the 2 hours drive to Columbia- cooking things for the tailgate, prepping the kids outfits, doing laundry and cleaning the house because we wouldn't be home that day until late and those things needed to get done at some point.

The game started at 1:00, and our tailgate started at 10:00, so we knew we were going to have to leave the house early to get there in time. We left the house by 8 and the babies slept almost the whole way there. We picked up my sister at 10:15 because she was going to be our 3rd set of hands and wanted to spend some time with the munchkins (we are SOOO lucky to have such an involved aunt!!).

The plan was to have Jeremy drop us, the babies and all of our STUFF off at the tailgate then park the car somewhere else because we didn't have a parking pass. The girl at the entrance of the lot wasn't going to let us even pull into the lot, but after a lot of convinceing that we had TWO VERY SMALL BABIES, she finally let us in. We parked right next to our tailgater friends and never left the lot...oops! There were plenty of spots available and the parking lot police never said a word to them.

The babies were fantastic the whole time. They each took naps, ate their bottles and were great sports the whole time. We decided not to go into the game which turned out to be a good idea-it was loud and hot in the stadium and not really baby appropriate. Plus they got more time with Aunt Caitie. We loaded up around 4, took Aunt Cait home and were on the road by 4:30. The slept until about Warrenton then were very vocal about needing bottles. We pulled into a parking lot, gave them their bottles and headed home. It really could not have been a better day.